Doormat

When they walk all over you, and you still say, “Welcome!”

So tired and stressed, but hopefully just have to get through the next few days and then can maybe relax a bit.

If not rest.

I get a crown put on my tooth tonight. A little last minute dentist action before they close for the holidays. I hope it goes well, and I hope that I don’t screw up paying for it, because I am super stressed about money and feel bad that I can’t pay the whole thing today, let alone balance a budget with higher rent and metropass starting in just over a week. Let alone holidays and the feeling that I have to spend more money than I have doing stuff for those, too. Blah. Stupid money.

The kind of cool thing is that getting this crown brings my dentist and I full circle. I first went to her because I was in pain, and ended up needing a root canal. I couldn’t afford the crown at that point, so naturally I broke the tooth again later and then needed gum surgery to lower the gum-line and expose more tooth upon which to put this crown. In the meantime, I’ve taken better care of my teeth and gums than I had in the whole of my lifetime leading up to meeting this particular dentist. Of which I am pleased with myself. So despite the frustrating and expensive parts of this journey, I’m glad for where I’ve gotten to as a result, at least. Maybe from here on out it’ll be smoother sailing.

Debbie Gibson was in my dream last night. Then one of my FB memories was about having no cable nor internet, so I was making Jack Bear dance with me to some of Debbie’s songs while I sang to him a couple of years ago.

Ah Debbie Gibson.

Wednesday Babble

In some cases, there is a lot of time between the seconds.

Also, FedEx just brought in pizza for our warehouse staff. So good!

So difficult to chew, though. Please let my crown fit when I receive it tomorrow! I want my teeth to stop hurting soon, please.

Cold

I was in a good mood. Now I’m not. Ridiculous.

Anyway.

I hate being cold.

I’ve spent a lot of time being cold, in my life, and I’ve always hated it.

Just over a year ago, I bought a new winter coat when my very old one (which I didn’t like, but at least it helped keep me warm) broke to the point where I decided it was no longer worth salvaging. It was also quite cold then, so it was important to me to get a new coat as soon as possible. And as inexpensively as possible, to boot.

I carefully picked through the women’s coat section at the new Winners nearby, and was disgusted at the lack of functionality. I could be stylish, yet not remotely warm.

To hell with that.

So I bought a man’s coat. One I don’t love, and which is now quite huge on me, compared to when I first bought it, but at least it helps to keep me warm. I’ll take functionality over style any day, when it comes to winter coats. Apparently, however, that would be easier if I were a man.

We are a strange breed, we human beings.

Catch-Up Notes

Couple of things…

I had some really tough conversations last week. Tough for me, anyway. I struggled to be real and present in each one, and am fairly confident that I succeeded each time. It was difficult, but entirely worth it. I’m hoping to be able to keep that up, at least with each of the parties involved. One was with my therapist, so obviously I want to maintain that level of work between us as much as possible. One was with one of my best friends. And one was with someone new in my life.

All required different things from me, of course, but one were very easy for me, and I’m glad I didn’t let that stop me from having them. Definitely a good, positive step, all in all.

I volunteered yesterday, as usual. The gang was pretty much all there, and we worked well together, so tasks were completed quickly. That left a little extra time to spend with the animals, which basically made me feel like I’d really done little actual work at all. I hung with the skunks a bit longer as I spot cleaned their enclosure, etc. Pepe and Flower were out, so that left Sumo, Bambi and Thumper to deal with me being in their space talking to them and such. They did great, despite being somewhat afraid of me. Their curiosity is winning out more and more often now.

I played with Aspen the lynx, I held Cricket the baby kangaroo, I held Hamburglar the ferret briefly (way too much energy, that guy), and a couple of the rats, as well. I hung out in the kangaroo enclosure while they checked me out and Willow the capybara spent a few minutes licking my forearm. And I talked to the birds.

One started doing the Super Grover “near, far” thing, which was new to me, and cracked me up endlessly! Just all on his own, chatting away to himself.

Near….far!!!” hahaha

Maybe the best thing that happened, though, was that the hello birds finally started saying hello to me again. It’s been a couple of months since they spoke directly to me, and I’ve missed it like crazy. It was so good to interact with them again at last!

My heart-breaking but beautiful package arrived for me on Saturday, too. It’s perfect, even though I wish it was for a completely different use.

I’ve been doing some prep work on what I believe will be my next blog. I’m hopeful that it will serve much better than this one has, and be more…just…more.

As always, I guess, we’ll see how it goes.

I Was On A Spaceship, Guys!

Got blood tests done yesterday morning, then spent the majority of the day on the set of Dark Matter. That part was, of course, amazing – I got to go on the Raza (aka spaceship), and the Maurader (aka Raza shuttle), and handle big futuristic guns and catch up with some of the cast and see a whole bunch of things I’m not allowed to talk about yet, and take a whole bunch of photos I’m not allowed to post yet.

But it was all amazing, trust me!

I love watching everyone work to shoot a scene, and all the activity going on behind and in-between the scenes. The infamous hurry up and wait scenario isn’t entirely accurate, because while the actors may be waiting for the next shot to be set up, a whole whack of other people are, like, setting it up. And building another part of the set to be used later. And moving equipment around, or putting finishing touches on things. There’s pretty much constant activity hat can get a bit dizzying at times, and all of it leads up to the point when the actors get to step into frame and do their thing. I’m basically fascinated by all of it.

And being that I’m quite a tactile person in general, I also can’t seem to stop touching things. Luckily that habit hasn’t gotten me into too much trouble…so far, anyway!

Some of the coolest and most interesting things we got to do was to speak with people in the costuming department, and art department. We got to hold a mini Raza that had been 3D printed in the studio, and watched a basic run-through of how it was all set up prior to printing. I could have watched THAT stuff all day, really! It made me want to learn more!

The costume area was so fantastic, too. We got to see Six’s giant kick-ass jacket, and one of Two’s sweet battle-ready jackets, and all manner of Four’s incredible wardrobe items. And the sketches! Gah! So much talent in that room, and everyone not only working together as a team, but all so friendly and happy to answer any and all questions that we had.

Also got some tiny tidbits to watch for in terms of clothing and accessories, AND saw some insane items that didn’t even make it to camera!

It was nice to be back in the Lost Girl stomping grounds, too, and from what I can tell, many of the crew worked on that show, as well, and have come back to work on Dark Matter as a team again.

I love stuff like that.

Almost as much as I love the shiny new Dark Matter Crew t-shirt I’m wearing today! 😉

On Yesterday

I had quite a day yesterday.

As previously mentioned, I had three appointments, and also had to put in some time at work. It ended up not being much work time, but at least I got things done.

Saw my neuro for my regular 6-month check-in. The appointment itself went quite quickly, as usual, but it started late, so I didn’t have much time in between that and my dental appointment. Still, it was enough to scarf down something to eat and give Brody a quick pee break before I headed back out for the rest of the day.

Got fitted for my crown, and despite some pain and discomfort and a foul taste in my mouth after, I actually had a fairly decent time at the dentist. I like her and everyone in her office, so the atmosphere is always friendly and pleasant, even when the actual procedure isn’t the most fun ever.

Plus, I showed them my Hudson pictures, and we talked about Brody and cats and such. That kind of thing is always nice.

I went straight to work after that, and arrived just in time for Tim’s last day pizza party, so I had a slice and then ate the lunch I bought. The temporary crown on my tooth feels weird – it’s changed my bite, for now – so eating is a bit more of a chore than usual, but with any luck, it’ll all be better next week. Just in time for the holidays.

After work I had about an hour to kill before my therapy session was set to begin, so I ended up hanging out with someone I might like, and though we didn’t do anything specific, I once again had a really nice time. Two for two with that one, so far!

My final appointment of the day was with my lovely therapist, and even though I warned her that I might be frazzled from a busy day, she said I could unwind with her. I like having that safe space to go to sometimes, and it actually does feel like a bit of a weight is lifted even just when I walk in the door. Last night was no different in that regard. I love the dynamic we created right out of the gate, and we’ve really only built on it over the years. I covered a few things that I wanted to deal with right away, and then we moved to the topic(s) that require the most attention and work right now. I wouldn’t have said that it was a difficult session – it didn’t feel difficult – but it took a definite toll, and once I realized that, I understood how much effort I’d actually put into it. I fought with myself and won, and it was both draining and invigorating all at once.

So, so good.

As we were leaving (I was the last appointment in her day, too, so we walked to the subway together after), I told her about an idea I had for after this blog is done, and she seemed to be quite excited about it, as well. We’d finished the session by talking about a little thing I’d done a few days ago, and how it had made me feel, and she gave me a few ideas with which to build upon it. The new idea I had is also kind of related to that same thing, so at the moment, at least, it feels like an exciting new path for me.

We’ll see how things go over the next few weeks, I guess!

Three

Today is a bit crazy for me, guys.  I have not one, not two, but three appointments to get to!

First up this morning is my regular check in with my neurologist.  I think all I have to remember is to get a new req for the blood lab.  Unless I think of anything else on the way up there.

Then I’m heading to see my dentist so that I can get fitted for my crown.  Haha

The cutoff is noon today, but my lovely dentist convinced the lab to let me in about an hour late, so I’ll be able to get the crown placed right before the office is closed for the holidays.  I’ve been worried about breaking the tooth again after all that I’ve done to save it, so I’m glad it’ll finally soon be protected.  Not glad of the expense, but so be it, I guess.

After that, I’ll rush to work several hours late, and put in about 5 hours to get as much done as possible by the end of the day.

My last stop will be with my therapist, for what will likely be our final session before the new year.  I’m hoping to have enough time between now and then to compile a list of the things I most need to talk about, because the odds of me forgetting something important are pretty high right now.

And I hate when I forget important things.

So yeah.  Big day for me, yet not a polar bear in sight.  Weird how that works out sometimes!