Nothin’

I feel, as we drawer closer to the end of the year and, thus, the end of this blog, that I should be saying something more…profound. Or meaningful. Or enlightening. Or something.

But I’ve got nothin’. Sorry!

I sent a particular tweet to Carrie Fisher’s dog, Gary, last night, and was both pleased and heart-broken when whoever is running the account “liked” it. It did make me snuggle Brody all the more after, though.

As if I could snuggle that guy more than I already do. Haha

I love that puppy dog so much.

I did a tiny bit of work on my resume yesterday, which was fun. Well…not FUN, exactly, because I sort of hate it. But as I’m not planning to go out and find another job any time soon, re-vamping my “brand” feels kind of fun. Coming up with new ways of expressing my innate awesomeness. Kind of fun. Part of me wants to craft an amazing resume, then send it to my HR department, just to add to my file. You know, since they don’t really know the extent of my awesomeness yet. Neither do I, of course, but still. I wonder if they’d think of me any differently?

I made a cursory list of great things that happened in 2016, and will whittle it down to the top 16 in time for New Years. Like, great things that happened in my life, I mean. I don’t care about what the world thinks was great. Certainly not about making anything great again. #justsayin

Anyway, unlike a lot of people, I am not excited for the year to be over. I’m not “done with it” or blaming the calendar for all of my woes. Remember when everyone was freaking out about the end of the Mayan calendar, because the idea of it starting all over again at the beginning was unreasonable, but vague impending apocalyptic doom was probably on the horizon? Flash forward four years to 2016 and people are freaking out about celebrities getting older and dying (apparently Gen X is just realizing now that we’re not immortal), and praying for the year to come to an end already. Because…I guess…no one will die in 2017?

I’m doubtful. But what I do know is that a) my rent is going up again, b) the cost of a metropass is going up again, and c) my income is not going up. Still.

So screw everybody who’s clamoring to race into the new year. For the moment, at least, I am over YOU. 🙂

Time Is Money

Know what’s crazy?

How much money concerns can alter a person’s perception of time.

I was thinking about it a bit this morning while getting ready for work. It’s Friday, but not a payday Friday, and even when it is a payday Friday next week, it doesn’t really count, because most of that paycheque will go to rent. I have a mental list (and notes in my phone) of things I need to buy before the end of the month – or, more specifically, before my first July paycheque – and beyond that, in my head, June is already over.

Even though it’s only the 17^th, and barely halfway through the month.

So much of my time, it seems, is spent calculating what I have left, what’s coming, and how much I will need to spend, to see if there is anything left for what I want to spend money on. I pay my bills out of the first paycheque of the month, and rent out of the second, and everything spent on life in between comes out of whatever is left over from those two. It’s constant, really. Even when extra cash comes my way, like a tax refund, it generally goes into my non-existent savings to act as a kind of buffer between me and a bounced cheque or another bankruptcy. It gets set aside for the unexpected expenses which inevitably come up throughout the year.

And so as my mind lives from paycheque to paycheque, and from month to month, I find I’ve begun to think of time that way, too. Since I’ve already paid my bills and made a list of the things I’m running out of, June is now, essentially, done. June is dead to me! Haha

I jest about that part, but not about how weird time is when it’s measured in paydays and bills. I don’t even really bother to save up for things anymore. Not like I used to. TIFF passes, Fan Expo fun – I already know I won’t be buying a TIFF package again this year, and as for Fan Expo, I’m not expecting to be able to get much, if anything at all. Hopefully a photo op or two, but until I know the prices, even that won’t be guaranteed. My goal right now, and for the past little while, is to get a new computer. Or new to me, and better than the poor beast I have slaving away at home currently. For Mind Reels stuff, Guinness World Record stuff, Etsy and Ebay stuff (if I ever find time for crafting again), writing, and several other little side projects that have been put on hold for now – all of those things require slightly better technology than I have, at least in order to do them well. I’ve been getting by, but things could be so much better.

I could be so much better.

Then there’s the ever-growing list of things I want to do “someday”, but when time is measured in paydays, “someday” rarely comes, even as we speed ever closer to when it might have been.

The larger problem, of course, is that it’s also panic-inducing on a regular basis. Every time I pick up a prescription at the pharmacy, every time I am close to running out of cat or dog food, every time I obsessively check my bank account before my rent cheque comes out, to make sure there’s enough money to cover it. Every time I’m too tired to make lunches to take to work but force myself to because I know I can’t likely afford to go buy lunch. I know I said in another post that all I really have to do is make different choices; sacrifice some things to make it easier to cover other things. I just haven’t really done that yet.

Which is also kind of panic-inducing, really, because time is going by so quickly in some respects. Someday becomes some week, some month, or some year – usually in the blink of an eye, or what seems like one. It all happens so fast. Thinking about what I need to do, then suddenly realizing I should have done it long ago and would have been further ahead, instead of still just thinking about it.

And yet actual time – between the start and end of a work day, between paycheques – that stuff slows right down.

I guess time is relative, in a way. Each of us measure it differently, yet we also measure it in a variety of ways, each ourselves. Vacations, time spent actually sleeping, weekends/days off – that stuff all flies by. Measuring time in paycheques flies by without even moving, because I’m already thinking two paydays ahead. I could probably give the actual time it’s been since I last saw my conjoined other half, yet no matter what the calendar and clock says, to me it feels so much longer, and with no definite end to the wait in sight.

Maybe I just have to find a better way to measure time – to slow it down when I’m having fun, and speed it up when I’m bored to tears. Alter perception with regards to the motion of time.

If I could bottle THAT, I’d never have to worry about the relationship between time and money again.

Thought Potpourri

This post will just be a hodgepodge of things – a mix – a potpourri, if you will, because there are a few things on my mind that I should probably delve into deeper at some point, but which for now I’ll just gloss over so I remember for later.

Since I got a phone with a camera, and for every phone I’ve had with a camera over the years, I stopped taking an actual camera with me in day-to-day life. Special occasions, I might take one, and the zoo I always take one, but I find that the best photo opportunities come when least expected, which is problematic, because I never have a real camera with me. I always, however, have my phone. It’s just the photos aren’t that high quality beyond sharing on social media, which is usually fine, until I want to do something more than that with them.

Take Brody, for example. I am always taking pictures of him, especially when we go for a walk, because he’s so flippin’ cute I can barely stand it. Just this morning I took this sweet shot:

However, I’d love to have a photo that was so awesome it ended up getting picked to be in, say, the annual Pet Valu calendar. He’s easily handsome enough, but my phone isn’t skilled enough to get a high quality snap, nor do I have a real camera handy when I am indoors. I tried over the weekend to take pictures of him with one of my actual cameras, but this was the best I could do, so I entered it on their website here.

Not a horrible shot, but far from the attention-grabbing amazingness that he deserves.

Some day, maybe.

There are times when I feel like I am put in the position of arguing one side of a debate, simply because I can see more than one side, but whoever I’m talking to can’t. I kind of hate that, because I feel like it takes away from my ability to move past that level of comprehension and onto the next. I mean, I suppose it’s my choice, really. I could instead choose to just agree with whatever the other person is saying, because I can see their point usually, and usually even agree with some of it. But I also hate not challenging things when I can clearly see other points to be made, as well. To me, it seems like blind acceptance to not challenge something when it’s obvious that the issue is not so black and white as someone else may think. I try to push them, but for the most part, I am pushing myself, as well. Which is good, except when I get so frustrated at arguing the other side – a side I also don’t fully agree with – that I end up just playing Devil’s Advocate and lose sight of my actual thoughts involving all sides. I end up feeling angry and silently blaming the other person/people for putting me in that position, but not-so-deep down I know it was my own choice. I like to be thorough, I guess.

It’s interesting, my buddy that I hung out with over the weekend, I’d forgotten what our conversations could be like, and how much I loved them. His brain works a lot like mine does, in that we have our own thoughts and opinions, and those don’t always mesh, but our desire to talk things through from multiple angles is…rather invigorating. It really is a wonder we ever got any work done, sometimes.

Last week, a current co-worker asked one day if I had any writing projects on the go, because we hadn’t talked about any of it recently, at all. This was my response, more or less (including stuff about this blog and the possible resurrection of The Mind Reels podcast):

Carving The Light – My intent is to re-write the whole thing as a feature length screenplay. I also want to add in more unpredictable drama to flesh it all out more. The end will be the same, but the journey there will be more emotionally harrowing.

Ebon Black and the Seven Dryads – I keep toying with the idea of re-writing it in some way, skewing it for either a younger or older audience, maybe. Or turning it into a cartoon-type of format. Or maybe just shopping it around to agents and/or publishing houses to see if I can find a home for it. Regardless, it’s far back-burner at the moment!

Untitled Young Reader book about Ellie Skye – This is only a very rough first draft right now, but I really want to go back and take another pass or two at it. Eventually it’d be targeted at readers aged 9-12-ish, I think. Especially girls who need more heroes and adventure stories involving girl protagonists.

Suffer The Fury – My first attempt at a young adult novel, and would make an excellent series. I have done a few drafts, but it still needs more work before I can really try to do anything with it. I entered it in ABNA back when it was still going on, but didn’t make it far enough to get in-depth reviews of the whole manuscript. I got pretty good reviews from readers of the first 10 pages or whatever it was, though!

To Whichever Comes First – I wrote my first screenplay for a short film! I wrote it for a contest because I wanted a deadline I was forced to meet, but I also kept it super simple, so that I might actually be able to shoot it for a very low cost, if I ever get around to it! It all takes place almost completely in one room, and there are two main characters with, like, two other side characters that they interact with briefly. It could totally be done, I think! In my mind, I’ve even been casting it with people I actually know!

Sometimes I See Hearts – My first attempt at writing a picture book for children, again with a little girl as the protagonist. It even rhymes!!! Not sure if I should keep it in its current writing style or go back and Dr. Seuss it up, instead, but I’m content with the first complete draft, so far!

So there you have it. A few of the myriad of things swirling around my brain right now, in addition to finally getting approved to make an official attempt at another Guinness World Record. Got that news this morning, so still have to find time later to really go through the guidelines and see what I can sort out as far as a plan of attack goes. We shall see! More on that in the coming days, I think!

Before my alarm went off this morning, I was dreaming that I was having trouble waking up. I woke up at work, for some reason, but then everything went backwards, in a way, and I was horrifically late for work at the same time. Regardless of where I was, though, I could not keep my eyes open; couldn’t focus on anything. I think there were Muppets at one point.

So exhausted on every level today in waking life, and yet no Muppets to at least make things interesting. Geez.

Life can be so unfair.