Fan Expo Saturday

Today was full of surprises, and just things that went unexpectedly well.  Which is amazing, especially considering how angry and disappointed with myself I was in the beginning.

Interview first thing in the morning about Eric McCormack’s new show, Travellers, which I can’t wait to get into!

Saw a bit of John and Joan Cusack on stage together, with their panel being moderated by Mr Kristian Bruun, no less!  He did such a great job, too!  So proud of that guy, and honoured to call him my friend!

Lined up for my photo op with Morena Baccarin.  I think all I really did today was stand in lines.  Anyway, she used to recognize me on sight, but it’s been a good four years since we last saw on another, I think.  I wasn’t sure she would recognize me this time.  I look a little different from when she knew me, too.  But she greeted me with a quick “hi”, as with everyone else – and then her face lit up and she repeated “HIII!” and gave me a huge hug, so that was amazing!  She looks great and seems happy and told me to please come by her table, even though it’s busy, so I’ll swing by there to,or row sometime, just ’cause.  Easier to steal an extra few seconds of chat time there than in a photo op, anyway.

Note:  I’m running on about 3 and a half hours of sleep, and possibly hungry but for now tired wins, so will keep this shorter than planned.

Decided to get in Mark Hamill’s autograph line, and while it went faster than I’d thought it would, I rehearsed my short quick 2-3 line speech pretty much the whole time.  Then didn’t give it at all.

I did, however, learn that his mom had been named Sue, too.  Virginia Sue, in fact, but she went by Sue, so he was  much older child by the time he found out her real first name!  He told me this whole story and I didn’t say anything I’d meant to, nor did I shake his hand, so I headed our momentarily disappointed with myself.  Until I realized that what HAD transpired in those few moments actually meant more to me than anything I could have said or done, and suddenly all was well.Bought a sweet new t-shirt from Rotten Rags (it glows in the dark), met up with my awesome niece and nephews, and hung with them until it was time to go get our picture taken with Mark Hamill, as well!

While we waited, though, my phone rang, with one of my closest friend’s numbers showing on the display.  I answered, figuring she just didn’t realize I was at a con, and that it would be a short convo, anyway.  Turns out, though, she’s in Nova Scotia and was hanging with a couple of my other loves, and they’d called to wish me a belated Happy Birthday!  Whaaaat?!

It was hard to talk because the world on my end was very loud, and being so tired made it hard for me to focus, but still.  LOVED IT!  Made me wish I was in Nova Scotia…except I was about to meet Luke Skywalker for the second time today, so screw  it!

The photo op lime went fast once it got going, and my group sorted out which order we’d stand in, and such.  It was pretty much how I’d imagined it, actually, so we were all on the same page from the start, which was cool!

I could never have predicted how amazing the actual photo would be, however:

image

I actually don’t think I could love it more!  Everyone looks how I hoped we’d look.  So so thrilled!

Then, shortly after I got home, another friend dropped off a present for Tim and I from the show Defiance, and THAT also rocks my world!

Now I’m so exhausted I’m having trouble keeping my eyes focused, so I’m going to bed.

After I give Brody one more quick loo break for the night, of course.

PS The Patreon page has launched!  Please support and share as much as possible!  http://www.patreon.com/TheMindReels

 

When Angels Speak

So, when I first read my angel card last week, I have to admit I was kind of disappointed. It felt a little like a cheat, in a way. Probably more due to my mood than the actual card, though.

It was called Happy Surprise, and said that I’d be getting a surprise soon, and to not try to guess or it wouldn’t be a surprise; to just enjoy it. My first thought was that, of course – we can bend our perception of reality to be anything we want, so if I think it’s going to rain, and then it doesn’t – SURPRISE! The card came true!

However, I had said I was open to guidance, and that’s the guidance I received. Saying I’m open and then shutting down as an initial instinct is the opposite of being open, so I read it a few more times, and then kind of forgot about it.

Which, I guess, could kind of be the point of what it was telling me to do.

There was more to it, as well – about how happy surprises come in many different forms and that I just have to notice them, that my dreams are coming true but not in the way I’d expected, that all of the surprises are gifts of love, and that the world loves to see me happy. I was, like, “Well TOO BAD, World!” haha

Little things happened, which is what I’d predicted, so I didn’t really think about it. Then the lemurs happened, and that was definitely a happy surprise, so false view of reality or angel card guidance kicking in – either way, I’ll take it! Something more happened this morning, but I’ll talk all about it some other time, because the “what” isn’t as important as the fact that I noticed it, and flashed back to the guidance. Maybe I was managing to remain open to it, after all.

Maybe I still am.

It’s funny, the notion of having my dreams come true, because at the moment, I don’t think I really have any. Nothing that feels like a goal to shoot for, or anything like that. I’ve just been kind of floating in non-hope since 2009. I very deliberately stopped making plans, stopped having long-term goals, stopped hoping for anything in the future.

My last dream like that was that I’d become a teacher (check…kind of, in that I got my licence and degree), meet someone who was also a teacher (check – though it didn’t happen at all as I’d thought it would, the fact that we met means it counts), and that we’d start a quiet little happy life together, living and teaching and making a home together. Maybe we’d even adopt a kid at some point, or siblings. It was all simple, but perfectly happy and fulfilling.

That all actually started, I thought, until it all stopped. It felt kind of abrupt to me, but I guess that’s more because I kept trying not to see it as anything other than my dreams coming true. Stubbornness gets me into trouble sometimes. It was a full and complete stop, at least. No person, no home, no teaching. Now I don’t even like people, so I wonder how suited I was to teaching the next generation, anyway. Maybe things just go the way they are meant to go, so that I get pushed closer to being the person I’m meant to be.

The point is, however, that I have no idea what my dreams coming true would even mean to me now; no sense of what they would look like.

Maybe that’s part of the guidance I’m supposed to be open to accepting.

Maybe the angels want me to start figuring it out.

On Making Friends

Guys, I don’t feel good!

My skin hurts, I can’t breathe, my sinuses itch (along with my ears and throat) and my body aches. Pretty sure I’m rocking a fever, though very low-grade, so it’s okay. So tired, and have another late night tonight.

BUT it’s Gala 2 of the Canadian Screen Awards, and I gotta say – I’m pretty excited for it! It’s always more fun than night 1, but also more low-key than the big broadcast gala, because that bad boy is televised, and so everyone gets away with much less than the non-televised event. I am definitely looking forward to tonight and Sunday, regardless of how sick I may or may not feel by then.

Also, today a friend I haven’t seen in years stopped in to pick up a mic for her new camera! She messaged me on Facebook to see if I even still worked here – that’s how long it’s been! I gave her my number and told me to text when she got here and I’d run up to say hi. She did, and I did, and I stayed to watch the transaction take place because I have very little idea of how to use the new system to create a new customer and process a credit card transaction, etc. So I actually learned something, AND got to catch up a bit with an old friend!

Turns out she’s getting into something similar to what Tim and I do, so I think I want to try and bring her into the studio sometimes when we need an op to monitor the sound and switch between cameras. We need more operators available than just our one poor go-to guy!

It’s kind of weird how, like – before the internet, I wrote letters – and sometimes even used the phone, though I don’t like the phone at all – to keep in touch with people. If we lived near one another, we’d even hang out in person on occasion (or daily, in University). Then came the internet and I found I was all about email. I loved being able to sit in the same room with someone and have secret conversations via email instead of out loud. I liked, too, being able to tell when they’d read it, based on their reactions!

I didn’t get my first cell phone until 2003, and that was largely because I was angry at my ex. It was a little thing, but bulky, and didn’t have camera functions or anything fancy. I used it to talk on sometimes, but that’s when I realized how much I prefer texting, and I have to say – I haven’t looked back! Pretty much all I do now is text or email or what-have-you. I mean, I have a smartphone now, so I can do way more than I could on that first little phone. But compared to what my current phone is actually capable of, and what I usually use it for…vast difference.

Lara, the friend who dropped in today, has been in my life for almost as long as I’ve been in Toronto, give or take a year or so. I had email when we met, but no cell phone. I even carried around a little mini phone/address book thingy to keep track of contact info so I wouldn’t lose anybody.

I carry around a lot of stuff, actually. In case I need it sometime.

Anyway, so Lara and I live in the same city, but we’ve both left for long-ish periods of time, so that’s likely contributed to why we lost touch. Also we don’t hang around in the same circles anymore. I don’t think it’s a case of “you make time for the people you want to see” things, because it’s not really an issue of being too busy. I think it’s because we both know we don’t have to. Our friendship is so easy and low-maintenance that we can go several years without even really talking to one another, and yet she can drop by my work and suddenly it’s like no time has passed. We’ve caught up in five minutes and are already making each other laugh!

I mean, we keep semi-track of one another on Facebook, of course, but not on a regular basis. We just will see something turn up in our feeds and like or comment and move along with our daily lives.

Not because we have to, not because we want to, but because we can. Because we both know that the other is there, no matter what.

Though, after Alysia died, I stopped seeing people as anything other than temporary. Not like in a mortality way, because I’m aware that we’re all going to go sometime. But more in a time is precious kind of way. I tell people I love them way more often now, for example.

I wonder sometimes if friendships formed largely online will last as long or be as stable as the ones we forged in more organic and personal ways. It’s much easier to maintain more friendships via online interactions and social media, but only time will tell if the setting and method of friendshipping will end up having made a difference.

Will we find we are more connected to one another? Or less?