Fan Expo Saturday

Today was full of surprises, and just things that went unexpectedly well.  Which is amazing, especially considering how angry and disappointed with myself I was in the beginning.

Interview first thing in the morning about Eric McCormack’s new show, Travellers, which I can’t wait to get into!

Saw a bit of John and Joan Cusack on stage together, with their panel being moderated by Mr Kristian Bruun, no less!  He did such a great job, too!  So proud of that guy, and honoured to call him my friend!

Lined up for my photo op with Morena Baccarin.  I think all I really did today was stand in lines.  Anyway, she used to recognize me on sight, but it’s been a good four years since we last saw on another, I think.  I wasn’t sure she would recognize me this time.  I look a little different from when she knew me, too.  But she greeted me with a quick “hi”, as with everyone else – and then her face lit up and she repeated “HIII!” and gave me a huge hug, so that was amazing!  She looks great and seems happy and told me to please come by her table, even though it’s busy, so I’ll swing by there to,or row sometime, just ’cause.  Easier to steal an extra few seconds of chat time there than in a photo op, anyway.

Note:  I’m running on about 3 and a half hours of sleep, and possibly hungry but for now tired wins, so will keep this shorter than planned.

Decided to get in Mark Hamill’s autograph line, and while it went faster than I’d thought it would, I rehearsed my short quick 2-3 line speech pretty much the whole time.  Then didn’t give it at all.

I did, however, learn that his mom had been named Sue, too.  Virginia Sue, in fact, but she went by Sue, so he was  much older child by the time he found out her real first name!  He told me this whole story and I didn’t say anything I’d meant to, nor did I shake his hand, so I headed our momentarily disappointed with myself.  Until I realized that what HAD transpired in those few moments actually meant more to me than anything I could have said or done, and suddenly all was well.Bought a sweet new t-shirt from Rotten Rags (it glows in the dark), met up with my awesome niece and nephews, and hung with them until it was time to go get our picture taken with Mark Hamill, as well!

While we waited, though, my phone rang, with one of my closest friend’s numbers showing on the display.  I answered, figuring she just didn’t realize I was at a con, and that it would be a short convo, anyway.  Turns out, though, she’s in Nova Scotia and was hanging with a couple of my other loves, and they’d called to wish me a belated Happy Birthday!  Whaaaat?!

It was hard to talk because the world on my end was very loud, and being so tired made it hard for me to focus, but still.  LOVED IT!  Made me wish I was in Nova Scotia…except I was about to meet Luke Skywalker for the second time today, so screw  it!

The photo op lime went fast once it got going, and my group sorted out which order we’d stand in, and such.  It was pretty much how I’d imagined it, actually, so we were all on the same page from the start, which was cool!

I could never have predicted how amazing the actual photo would be, however:

image

I actually don’t think I could love it more!  Everyone looks how I hoped we’d look.  So so thrilled!

Then, shortly after I got home, another friend dropped off a present for Tim and I from the show Defiance, and THAT also rocks my world!

Now I’m so exhausted I’m having trouble keeping my eyes focused, so I’m going to bed.

After I give Brody one more quick loo break for the night, of course.

PS The Patreon page has launched!  Please support and share as much as possible!  http://www.patreon.com/TheMindReels

 

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Rambling Mind

I don’t understand what’s going on. At all. Maybe nothing. I have no idea. There is, of late, a huge disconnect between my inner and outer realities. Add a healthy dose of PMS into the mix and the confusion is overwhelming. So isolating. Perhaps I am just succumbing to my usual paranoia and uncertainty. Though it’s often been right in the past – can it still be deemed paranoia if it ends up being correct?

Meh. Questions without answers, really. Better to just keep plodding along and wait for my next break.

I have my next MRI on Sunday. While I’m technically hoping it will be a quick session, I feel it’s much more likely that it’ll be one of the long 45-minute-IV-with-contrast-material types, instead. It makes more sense, since it’s just my annual check-up type one and they’ll want to get as much detail and cover as much territory in the scans as possible. I just really hate those ones, and am running out of ways to entertain myself while in the tube for that long. However, at least it’ll be over with, and since Monday is a holiday, I’ll be able to just relax and do nothing, if I want, the whole next day. That’ll help. Usually I feel more than a little off once I come out of the machine. I know it doesn’t do anything to me physically, but my mind feels cloudy, anyway. Maybe from focusing on remaining still while not letting claustrophobia set in.

There should be a law against cologne – or artificial scents of any kind – that I can smell even if I am not near you. Seriously people. What kind of nastiness are you trying to cover up by dousing yourself so completely in something else?

Anyway.

I’m frustrated at this whole not working Saturdays thing. I know, sounds weird, but there are several reasons why I’m feeling this way. Aside from the fact that it’s a shorter work day, and earns a longer weekday off, which is sometimes enough. But it would give me the opportunity to do other things I want to do sometimes. Like go to the zoo. I hate going on weekends, through the summer at least, because of the hoards of sweaty hairless apes in my way, ruining my Zen thing. But if I want to go on a weekday, I have to burn a vacation or sick day to do it. I got turned down for volunteering at the Wildlife Centre because the weekend shifts are first to go, and those are the only ones I could do. I probably wouldn’t be a Big Sister again anyway, but that’s another thing I can’t do. Not the in-school mentor program, at least. I can see my therapist if I book an appointment first thing and then head to work after, which doesn’t always have me in the greatest headspace for the rest of the work day. Sometimes it’d be better if I could just go home after and process. But I can’t, unless I am willing to burn a sick day, o vacation day, if I know far enough in advance that I won’t feel up to coming in that day.

Overall, it’s fine. I’ve just been feeling lately like I am having to give up a lot of the things that I’d enjoy or look forward to or benefit from in some way in order to continue receiving a paycheque. That is, of course, the most important thing, because without that I’d have far less opportunity than I do now. I guess I’m just sad that this seems to be all there is, and I am struggling to make even that much balance out. It’s depressing sometimes.

In other news, Mr. Brodykins has an appointment with the groomer on Saturday! He will hate every moment, except the ones where he gets to hang with Momma Kristi and ride in the car. Probably on her lap, if he gets his way. That’s his preferred mode of travel, after all. I hate leaving him there, knowing how miserable it makes him, but he does love being picked up after, and being told how utterly adorable he is. He likes to show off a bit, at that point. Maybe I’ll see about getting him some kind of little special treat for being a good boy. Because he’s always a good boy. He hates the whole grooming process with the seething fire of a thousand suns, but he doesn’t fight it. Instead, he freezes in his silent misery, and tolerates it all until it’s finally over. And then gets unnaturally excited when you put his collar back on.

Bless.

I love that little guy.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just so in my head I don’t really know what’s accurate or real anymore. Or maybe my instincts are good enough that I’m getting the hints being put out there, but am just not certain enough to react. Maybe there’s nothing to react to at all. Regardless, I feel dumb, so hopefully I can figure out at least some of it soon. It’s seeming pretty manic, really. I’m still here, though, so as much as I am trying to sort some things out, I’m also trying to, like, live day to day life. It’s all I can think to do, sometimes.

Long weekend coming up finally, and then next weekend is the first one I booked off for myself. Four days in a row! I don’t know how I’ll manage NOT to give myself so much to do that I won’t get it done and then be disappointed in myself…but I’m going to try not to give myself so much to do that I don’t get it done and feel disappointed in myself.

A co-worker just asked if it was Friday yet – it’s like he’s reading my mind. I was just thinking how far away Friday still is, but that it’s kind of a good thing because I have a lot to do in the meantime.

I was looking up screenwriting contests yesterday to see if there were any deadlines I could aim for but realistically meet. I realized that I’m not anywhere close to ready to start writing the updated adaptation of my first book, though. I need to sort out the changes that will be made and how they’ll all go together with the parts of the story that are being kept. I’ll work on a new outline first, and then consider starting the script.

Why can’t things in our heads just come out on paper automatically?