Hodgepodge of Nothing to Say

You know, I was feeling pretty good this morning – not physically, of course, but in every other way. Then I got to work and between how that’s going, and people and the internet and just, like…what the hell, Universe? I don’t even eat cornflakes, so why ya gotta go pissin’ in ’em, anyway?

Ridiculous.

Labels – do they bring us together and give us community? Or further divide us? Because how it feels when you don’t fit into the labels you define yourself with and/or with which others define you, would suggest the latter. And yet we keep coming up with more. We oversimplify and categorize and ignore less and less of the unique individual beneath the groupings.

It’s weird.

This is what some online comment/arguments/conversations look like to me:

Person 1 – I sometimes enjoy watching fish swim around. It’s calming to me.

Person 2 – I can’t believe people like you actually exist! I love the colour orange! In fact, oranges – which are MADE from orange – are super healthy, and you’re obviously an idiot who doesn’t deserve to live.

Note how they aren’t even talking about the same thing. Not on the same page, not in the same book – pretty sure not even on the same planet. It’s not even an argument at that point, because two completely different things are being said. Tearing a strip off someone without bothering to understand what you’re responding to is just silly, people.

At best.

Today has gone so awry in tiny ways that I can’t even remember what I wanted to say. I’m hungry, though, so I’ll eat shortly and maybe just look at pictures I took, or something.

I went through my budget this morning, because I realized I’d miscalculated last week by forgetting one of my more major expenses. I knew I wasn’t as well off this month as it had seemed. I don’t know if I can make it work now, but I’m definitely going to do my best! We’ll see what happens over the next two weeks!

I keep coming up with more things I should perhaps cut out of my to do list, but I’m not sure which ones I’m most okay with ditching. This whole skipping antidepressant doses is messing with my mind and heart, so I’m trying to be careful about which doors I close right now. Trying not to make too many regrettable mistakes, but sometimes it’s hard!

Plus, I keep coming up with more things to add to the list, which is ridiculous, but that is how my brain works. Always thinking of more.

Sometimes I don’t quite know why I do as much as I do, when those I am supposed to be doing them with are actually doing so much less.

Maybe I should just do more for me.

But maybe that would be a mistake, too. So I’ll wait a while and not make any hard decisions until I feel more confident in my ability to make them.

Where possible, anyway!

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To Be Continued

Well, it happened.

I completely forgot to write a blog post yesterday.

I thought about it a couple of times, but was so busy doing other things I eventually just forgot all together.

When the realization hit around 5am this morning, I was overwhelmed with a number of emotions, the main one being disappointment in myself.  Anger with myself, too, but mostly just really disappointed.  It’s a worse feeling, anyway, right?  Most of us would prefer for someone to be angry with us than disappointed in us, if we could choose.  In my mind I was even trying to make excuses for myself – to myself – before realizing how ridiculous and ineffective that was.  So I took Brody for a walk and went back to sleep for a bit.

I have to go for my MRI soon, so will write more when I get back. Not that two posts today would make up for missing yesterday, but the funny thing is that I really WANTED to write about yesterday.  A ton of things happened, and a few in particular I am eager to examine here.  Not all good, but also not all bad, so finding the balance will be key, as always.

For now, I will just note that I am still disappointed, still…grumpy, if not exactly angry…but that I also recognize that A) I can’t do anything to change it now, B) it’s far from the end of the world, and C) this is my blog so I accidentally broke one of my own rules and while it sucks in theory, it’s a tiny detail that means very little in the grand scheme of things.  Trying to find excuses or ways to make up for it are far less important than the act of just moving on, and so that’s what I’m going to do.

To be continued.