Apparently I’ve made 200 posts on this blog now. Huh.
I was thinking about that saying about how people will always remember how you made them feel. I think that’s probably true, but then I wondered if there were certain feelings that people would remember more vividly than others. I’m pretty sure that, if there are, mine would be hurt. Emotional pain, both caused to and caused by me, as well as the pain of loss. I of course remember other things – happiness, safety, love, laughter. But the one emotion that I feel most vividly upon recollection – almost as though it’s fresh and new again – is hurt.
Not sure if I feel it most because that’s what I hold onto, or if I hold onto it because it’s what I feel most. I don’t imagine it matters either way, though. I think it just is what it is.
I also don’t know how I can carry so much rage around all the time, yet lack so much violence. It’s front of my mind most of the time, yet far down the list of actions.
So far, anyway.
Man I’m weary.
I can’t remember what else I wanted to say. Kinda fitting, actually.
A post is a post is a post.