Lists and Wishes

I feel like I’m getting a lot done today, but at the same time, I feel like it’s all happening really slowly. Like I could do more if everything else could keep up with my brain, or something.

Which is silly, really, because my brain isn’t all that quick on the uptake or anything anymore. Keeping up with it shouldn’t be that difficult for, say, technology. Or dolphins. The rest of my body is, of course, another matter entirely, but still. I feel like everything has slowed down today, and yet there is a ton of work still to be done.

I actually have to make lists all the time, because I forget things. I’ve even started a list for my upcoming weekend, of everything I want and/or have to get done. I say “started” a list, because I’m not sure it’ll ever be complete. It’s already ridiculously long, but stuff keeps either coming up, or I remember to add it to the list because I’ve apparently already forgotten it at least once.

I even forgot to start making the list until last night.

Speaking of last night, I had a pretty excellent conversation with one of my closest friends via text before I went to bed. I wish we could talk in person like that, actually. And while there’s still much not said or discussed, it was closer to the kind of conversation we used to have, and I’ve missed it a lot. Even when I can’t find the words I want to express myself, I like the struggle to search for them. It means it matters to me that I get it right, or as close to right as I can. It means I’m trying because it’s important to me, and I don’t really do that very often. Not recently, anyway.

That conversation was probably the main reason why I didn’t even get up to pee in the night, which I always do. It made me tired in a good way, and I ended up sleeping right through. I don’t remember waking up at all, and at the moment I can’t remember anything I may or may not have dreamed. I was out.

Okay, those double chocolate chip cookies with peanut butter in the middle from Tim Horton’s are ridiculously delicious. I got one earlier to have after I ate my lunch today and daaaaamn! Distractingly good!

So much I want to do, guys. Things coming up that I’m not sure I can afford, several things I want to create in some form or another. I wish there was a way to take a kind of sabbatical from life, to work on other things and see what you can accomplish over even a few months away from your daily routine. Maybe I’d take a class. Maybe I’d start a side business. Or volunteer. Or sit at the zoo everyday and learn from the animals. Or go on a trip and learn from animals in the wild. I’d write more. I’d read more. I’d launch Mind Reels and SmitheeTV into the stratosphere. I’d spoil the critters who live with me just by being there with them. Maybe I’d even shoot my short film. I’d do everything right, if I had the time. And the money. Even if I didn’t have quite enough of either, I’d still be creative enough to do everything well.

It’s just so hard to stay on top of anything extra when I’m up for 2 hours before I have to leave for work, then need about as much time when I get home before I go to bed. And I go to bed crazy early now, if I can. Not because I’m no longer a night person, but I am really really not a morning person anymore. I need more sleep just to function, and the main reason I even got out of bed and moving as early as I did this morning was because I had to pee. Because I’d had a good text conversation with my friend before I fell asleep and it tired me out enough to sleep until my alarm went off. One little thing like that and the effect trickled down into today.

As tired as I am, though, the good effects from that convo also trickled down into today, which doesn’t often happen with trickle-down situations.

That means it was worth it.

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