Tips For Lady Loo Etiquette

Okay, ladies (and for some of you, I’m using that term very loosely in this case), it’s time for a little chat. WTF is up with your inability to use a public restroom without being disgusting about it?

Seriously, while I’ve had limited experience with men’s washrooms, from what I can tell, women are far, far worse. What is up with that?

First, if you feel the need to hover, either try and aim for that giant porcelain hole beneath you, or for the love of all that is good and holy, clean up after yourself when you’re done. If you’re the type to leave her spray behind, congratulations. You’re the reason no one wants to sit in the first place.

Be a sweetie – wipe the seatie.

If you’re the type to lay a fine spread of toilet paper around the seat I an effort to protect your precious buttock area from touching where others’ have touched, then it’s your responsibility to clean that up when you’re finished, too. Wanna guess why? That’s right – because not only do the rest of us not want to use your butt block paper, we also don’t want to touch it. Your butt, YOU touch the protective paper after.

There’s also no need to leave that stuff laying around on the floor. There’s some sort of garbarge recepticle right there. Use it. Or hey, it’s toilet paper! Also known as bathroom tissue, to the delicates among you. Either way, go ahead and flush that stuff. Feel the power.

Speaking of flushing – please do it. Please. If the toilet is supposed to flush automatically, but doesn’t, there should be a wee emergency button there to help you out. If it’s a handle deal, and the toilet doesn’t flush completely, go ahead and flush it again. If it starts to flush and stops suddenly, why not try holding the handle down for more than a fraction of a second? Have faith, ladies of the loo! Sometimes it just takes a count of one or two seconds to get that baby rolling the way it should. You’ll feel better about yourself, and the rest of us won’t have to see your leftovers when we enter the stall.

I’m not even really going to get into…sanitary items. Just – don’t be a gross disgusting freak. Please. We all have to deal with that particular function on a pretty regular basis, so there is zero excuse for your ineptitude just because you’re not the one who has to clean up after you. Pull yourself together and don’t be gross.

Up next – hand washing! To each her own, but it’s probably best if you do that, too. And all the better if you can do it without leaving paper towel stuffed in the sink, and/or all over the floor, and/or spilling soap all over the counter. Aside from being wasteful, it just makes the rest of us feel less clean once it’s our turn to wash.

Also, for the love of our planet, turn off the damn fawcet if it’s not automated! What the hell?! Do you really think you’re fingertips are going to be so germ-addled from touching the tap after you’ve washed your hands that you can’t shut off the water? You know you have to touch the door handle to get out, right? And at home, if you keep your toothbrush in the washroom, it gets sprayed with aerial pee germs every time the toilet is flushed, anyway, and you put that in your mouth, so seriously, do the world a favour, and just shut off the tap. Grab a piece of paper towel or “bathroom tissue” if it bothers you that much. The planet will thank you.

And good luck getting the notion of aerial pee germs out of your head now. I never have.

So there you have it, Washroom Warriors! A little courtesy goes a long way, especially if you consider that the things you hate about public washrooms are the same things we all dislike. Please do your part in attempting to be less of what you and everyone else hates about shared bathroom time. You’ll probably even like yourself a little more as a result!

This has been a public service announcement for the less-disgusting ladies of the world.

You’re welcome.


One thought on “Tips For Lady Loo Etiquette”

  1. OMIGOD, so much yes! They actually had to put signs up in our washroom at work to be considerate and I work at a law firm. Somewhere you would think that people would act with at least a bit of common sense and respectibility. What the hell is with the hovering? I just wipe off the seat and sit. The toilets are cleaned more than your toilet at home, i.e. every day. Given that most people shower or bathe most everyday, and then their butts are covered in clothing, chances are you aren’t running into many germs. I just don’t get it. My knees can’t take the hover anyway. Ok, rant over. But yes I’m glad you wrote this.


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