Stuck

I only have a few minutes right now, because I am at work, but I plan to be drunkish by the time I get home tonight, so thought I should write something brief now.

A post a day is the goal, after all.

So, today I officially signed my…aspirations…away, and gave up on looking forward to anything in my future work days.  I lost the job I wanted, and ended up resigning myself to one that I hate, instead, because there really was no other choice.

In essence, a position had been created for me back in 2009, and I was really excited about sinking my teeth into the role.  Even earlier this week, I was making plans in my head for the next steps I intended to take to really kick the thing into high gear.

The problem is that I have been here too long, and have done too many different things, so any time various departments needed a hand, it was usually yours truly stepping in to help out.  I thought being well-rounded and having multiple skills would improve things for the company and for myself.  So even though I was super excited to contribute in a way that really only I can with the role that catered to my more specialized skill set within the company, I never really got the chance to get going on it full time.  I was always being put into other areas for short term help.

Which was fine, because I knew eventually things would settle down and I’d finally get my shot at defining my role and really changing how things flow here.

I found in recent months that I was being pulled in too many different directions, and since I couldn’t keep up with everything I was being asked to do, it was all instead falling behind.  In every area.  And it was stressing me out.

So I sent an email suggesting that maybe now was the time to take on my role full time, and once I’d smoothed out some of the processes, those working in the other areas I’d been helping out in would have a much easier time getting caught up and staying on top of everything.

Only the powers that be thought differently.

And now I am officially full time locked into one of the other roles, which also happens to be the one I like least.  I went from helping in the interim, to being saddled with the whole shebang.  To top it off, there’s virtually nowhere to go from here.  No room to grow, nothing to shoot for – just the same things I hate every day for my foreseeable future.  It’s depressing.

I went from a position that only I could do, to one that anyone could do.  It feels like a demotion, but I know they don’t see it that way, and at least my salary will remain the same, so that’s something.  But I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t apply for it, I didn’t show any interest in it whatsoever.  And yet here I am.  Stuck back essentially where I started, and with nowhere to go now at all.

If only jobs I wanted were that easy to get!

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